sometimes i wonder if i show the world how broken i actually am
will they still love me as i am

Yes, this blog is turning into something so emotional I can't stand. But, these posts are beautiful to me because it contains my very raw and unedited emotions.

"Grief is big part of who I am,

it lives in the very bones of me,

and so does love."

Woke up reading some other people's perspective of life,

and I keep hearing your voice in every corner of my head to tell me to not be so pessimistic.

Funny.

It reminded me of how I was there even when you're an emotional wreck,

and now you're living me all alone in this fucking suicidal day dream,

crawling and desperately finding my way out to end of this never ending tunnel of my own darkness.

I can see you looking at me,

with no remorse, no guilt and no pity.

You never took my emotions to heart.

"There she goes again."

I hate how vulnerable I portrayed myself,

foolishly indulging myself in the thought that oh he knows me the best.

I wake up every fucking day with the conviction that

I will move on to be a better person,

and I will have all the love in my heart to love another individual.

bullfuckingshit.

but feeling like half dead and barely alive 

is not the worst.

The shittiest is

feeling all the shitty feeling

and wanting to be better

so you might take a good long look at me once again.

FUCKED UP. 

And I promise I hate myself more than I hate you.

Because I didn't care about myself, the day you didn't care about me.